#83 - Relatioships Part 4

Happy romantic relationships combine all the best things from relationships - being the best friends, being a supportive and loving parent, and being a synchronized lover. If any of those elements are missing, the relationship isn't complete and might lead to termination.

The partnership is a special evolution of very close friends and should be based foremost on the values of best friends.

Many dating gurus are saying about not building your romantic relationships based on friendships and focusing straight on sexual desire. If we will plot relationships to vibrational frequencies, the statement above will make a lot of sense.

Place this type of relationship lower on a scale (lust, manipulation, control). And when you move to scale higher we have relationships based on (understanding, love, trust).

It all depends on what do we want to experience in a long run.

Questions to answer:

• Why do you want to be in a relationship?

• Are there some fears behind it?

• Is it from the perspective of being completed or the opposite?

• What is the real core of this wanting?

In every good romantic relationship, the number one is communication, closeness goes second and in the end, we can talk about sexual intimacy.

Every relationship is a bit different as there are different people who create them. Is best when the core of why you are together is to share love, and mutual will for growth, and it comes from the perspective of being and having enough.

It's good to understand that every relationship is dynamic in its nature. That means there can be ups and downs. Relationships will change throughout the years. So the ability to adapt to the changes is vital.

Healthy romantic relationship needs:

• Physical intimacy. Intimacy plays an important role in relationships. Intimacy is not only about satisfactory sex - but is also mostly about showing affection and physical contact such as kissing, cuddling, hugging.

• Open communication. When you are able to share everything and you don't need to hide anything. From personal needs to sensitive topics, and you won't be judged or criticized. Even when they have different opinions, they will share their perspective.

• You show interest in one another. It's essential to keep this will to be interested in the nature of change in another person, and you accept that.

• You are both focused on growth. It never gets boring when two unique individuals are focus on self-development. Support and grow together.

• Compromise on decision making. You understand that you play in the same team. You make decisions together, respect the opinions of one another and share responsibilities equally.

• Enjoyable together time. Your partner is high on a list of importance in your schedule. You really like to do things together. Write new stories and try new experiences. As I mentioned before, a romantic relationship should be based on close friendship. Be playful, and loosen up some seriousness.

• Trust. It's about being honest, and not keeping secrets from each other. It's about trust that they won't pursue other people. You know that you are safe and have space to grow.

• Sense of being an individual. You maintain your identity. You don't depend on another person, but you are open to their support, approval, and love. Having a life outside of a relationship is essential.

• You enjoy time apart. You deeply enjoy together time, but as much as a time for yourself.

• Looking for solutions during conflicts. When there is some disagreement, you will look for solutions, stay together and nurture love is, strengthening the relationship.

• You want to make your partner happy.

Successful relationships don't just happen. They require two people to invest in their relationship. That's all a constant commitment and time...

What are other healthy romantic relationship needs?

Our minds can be full of unrealistic and unhealthy convictions about what romantic relationships should be and shouldn't. Often time verify those myths and lead to conflicts. Every relationship is different, that's why leaving pre-imaginary expectations on how it should look should be an important element to work off.

Top common myths about relationships that keep you from being happy:

• "You must share the same interests and hobbies in order to be a couple."

• "In a healthy relationship, there aren't any disagreements, everything is always perfect."

• "All men are likely to cheat."

• "When she/he cheated on me, it will definitely happen again."

• "If your relationship needs therapy, it's already too late."

• "There is only one true love."

• "The real proposal has to be ... and the ring has to cost ..."

• "Jealousy is a sign of true love."

• "Your relationship will mirror your parent's relationship."

• "A real relationship is easy."

• "You need to have sex X times to have a good relationship."

• "She/He knows exactly why I am upset with him/her."

• "Sex is always spontaneous and wild."

• "You should be together 24/7."

• "Having a baby will solve all our problems and strengthen our bond."

• "Opposites attract one another."

• "You never feel attracted to anyone but your partner."

• "You need to have a baby after being married."

• "In the right relationship, feelings will never change."

• "Your partner must fulfil all your needs and complete you."

• "When there is true love, there is always a feel of spark."

• "Everyone somewhere has a perfect soul mate, waiting to be re-connected..."

There are probably dozens of other interesting 'truths' in which people tend to hold. Again, every relationship is different. Many myths about relationships are not only false but can be destructive.

• Are there any myths that you unconsciously believe in?

• If they are what they can cause?

• What are the facts?

The concept of "Love Languages" was introduced in a book written by Gary Chapman. It describes five general ways that romantic partners can express and experience love.

When you will be in a relationship for some time you will be able to get to know the love language of your partner and express your affection in a way that they will understand.

The Five Love Languages:

• Receiving Gifts - find personalized meaningful gifts.

In order to offer something that they will really enjoy, think in categories of who they are. Their interests, memories, what they need, what they enjoy. Maybe they even gave you some clues already? Remember it doesn't have to be expensive. Give something meaningful from your heart. You are creative, so make it special, and frequent. Maybe some experiences? Classical bucket of flowers with good chocolates? Handmade?

• Quality Time - spend time together, offering full attention.

Maybe a time to go out to do things together? Date time! Time only for two of you. It's magical to engage in an activity your beloved one enjoys! Or, maybe, simply just be and do nothing? How about bringing some breeze of freshness and try something new? If you keep yourself constantly busy - schedule everyday quality time in your calendar, even half an hour of complete attention, and simple talk will let you show affection.

• Words of Affirmation - let your mouth speak the truth! Say I love you...

How often do you say it from the depth of your heart? Let them feel. "I am crazy in love with you... You have such a big heart!" What about words of encouragement? Maybe, a surprise love note, or a letter?

• Acts of Service - your actions make their life easier

Imagine, you got some spare time, but you see your love of life, busy doing housework - what about lending them a hand? Being helpful, by just doing small favours. It would mean a lot!

• Physical Touch - with love...

Being physically close, it's a transcendent way to show affection. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, massage and sex...

According to Chapman, the love languages also apply to other intimate relationships.

Communicate with your partner's needs and offer them what they need...

If it didn't happen when you are trying new things, and attending different events to find the love of your life. Obviously, if you are open to it. :) It often happens in the most unexpected time and, sometimes places.

Instead of waiting for luck to come to you, choose a proactive approach and look for opportunities yourself.

There are some places worth mentioning, and I thought it would be actually pretty helpful to create a list, so it will be easier to search. It's generally simple as if there are some people around, one of them potentially can become your romantic partner.

Don't get yourself in a trap of being too hopeful that "this is the one", especially if you will start dating. It can bring you a lot of suffering, if it will come another way. There are so many factors in life that can take place, so even "the happiest marriages" can end up. Be open to new experiences, and leave the attachment of failure or success.

Remember you don't need anybody to be happy, and if you think this way there is still work ahead of you before you will be able to find another powerful independent person. One clue: develop qualities that you are looking for in another person.

Don't expect - get to know people out of pure curiosity.

Places worth mentioning:

• Places of your interest. Easy one as you would have a lot of topics to talk about.

• Try new things (take classes). Still, there are plenty of things that you haven't tried!

• Dating apps/platforms (more about it on the next page).

• Workplace. Many of us spend so much time at work. Maybe, it's a good time to gather people and do something fun together after work.

• Make friends with your friends' friends.

• Volunteer.

• College.

One of the ways is to check on dating apps and other online dating platforms. Often apps like Tinder (there are plenty more) are a masterpiece of instant gratification and is constantly tempting to buy premium features. However, still is a great way to find people to hang out or simply chat with.

You compete with thousands of others, so the question is:

How to maximize your chances? Put yourself in the shoes of a person who is going to swipe through profiles. Why they would actually pick you?

Things to consider:

• You need good photos. People are judging others based mostly on looks. You can choose more than one photo, use this opportunity. Your goal is to show who you are. So you need to update pictures in different scenarios. Don't go only selfies - ask somebody to take pictures of you. Time to check, if you have some photography enthusiasts in your friends list. Quality, light, angle all matters. Include some photos with a smile. You can find plenty of free tips online. Spend some time and watch some popular social media profiles. Study which photos get most of the engagement.

• You need a catchy bio. Go freestyle! More creative - better! Ask yourself, would that bring my attention?

• Swipe a lot! But contact only a few people daily. That will let you make more personalized messages to every individual. Remember these are actual people. Experiment a lot!

• Initial message. Find your own style. Look for opening questions, which require a longer answer than YES or NO. Find something that seems interesting on their profile and ask about it.

• Simply have fun and enjoy. Always ask yourself, how can I do things differently? Experiment and check what works best for you. Don't be too stressed about it. It's all an act, you will fail many times, but it will click, if you will try long enough.

Make sure you know who are you looking for ;) Sometimes being too "perfect" online might not attract the "right" type of person.

Behind the curtain process:

• Make a list of things that you don't want from a partner. List of undesirable qualities which doesn't fit your core values.

• Before messaging, read descriptions. If somebody decides to mention his beliefs, on such a portal it means that they are really important. Look, if the description matches your lifestyle.

• While "swiping", be aware of judging only based on look. Again, depending on your goals. If you are looking for a stable long-term relationship, maybe, you should reconsider, if the look is the number one. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about dating somebody to whom you are not attracted physically, as that might create internal conflicts. Simply pay your attention, if there aren't any sabotaging mind-programs according to "perfect person" .

PS. This type of apps can teach you bad judging habits, be mindful.

There are some people who specializes in nailing those types of platforms, and you can find plenty of free materials available online. If you decide to get to know more about it, remember who you are and what are your goals and core values.

Remember to make something happen, two people have to agree and be equally engaging. You really don't have to rush things too fast (if being interested in a long-term relationship), let the relationship at its own pace unfold.