#82 - Relationships Part 4

The family is all the close relatives who put their brick in supporting your development, filling your life with unconditional love, who are worth your care and your time. A healthy family will be always there for you with support in 'good' and 'bad times'.

Why (healthy) families are important:

• Offer support during challenging times;

• Give a sense of security;

• Provide with unconditional love;

• Foster feeling of belonging;

• Serve as best friends;

• Teach moral values;

• Provide models for future relationships;

• Offer encouragement;

• Teach important life lessons;

• Core for building a healthy society;

Why is family important for you?

If you haven't received important things from your family. In your hands is to be mindful and to consciously offer it to the family you establish. Be especially aware to not over-give, as it might come out negative.

How much time do you spend each day with them actively?

Many of us are in the constant run for something, and we forget to nurture the closest relations with our family. We might have a sense of illusion that they are not going anywhere, and are going to stay forever. Just telling you this to remind you that time is passing, we all are getting older and we won't stay in those bodies forever.

If you are lucky enough to have a parent or two, maybe grandparents, siblings don't bury this chance, create wonderful memories with them.

Remember and care about your dearest ones. Even if you are living miles away, calling them more often will strengthen your relationship. Don't send SMS, nor Email. Call them and tell them how thankful you are, how much you appreciate all the things they did for you, reminiscence some warm memory and from the deepest part of your spiritual heart tell them - I LOVE YOU...

I really mean it. Do it. You will experience one of the most pleasant and gentle touches of having your heart open.

What else can be done to enhance your relationship with family:

• See your family as individual souls, filled with different experiences. Alternatively (if that's easier) look at them as adults. Treat them like other adult friends. What is a friend for you? What do you do with your friends?

• Share mutual interests. What does your family like to do the most? Do they have some hobbies? Spend some time with them and engage with things they really enjoy doing. Do things together and maybe try new things?

• Add to your calendar special days and call them, or visit them unexpectedly. Simply keeping them in your heart will bring a lot of love to your relationship.

• Set a Sunday dinner time. Share stories that happened during the week. Make this time sacred - no tv and phones. Listen and respond actively.

• Plan small vacations together. Regular, even once a month, one-day trips. Great time to recharge batteries, and spend some time together.

Really, there are plenty of ideas, which you can do in order to make your relationship flourish. What are your ideas on how to strengthen your relationship with your family?

There are many factors that could make your relationship with your family or family member break, there are too many to mention them all. I am sorry if that happened to you. It's all in your hands, and with the current understanding, you know what is best for you.

They say that time heals the wounds, but that's only partially true. It's more on what you are going to do with all this time (actively), and that is what can heal.

Do some of the self-reflection:

• What are the reasons behind the estrangement?

• What is my role in it?

• Am I ready to heal the relationship?

Dive deep within you, see if there are any remaining of pain, fear, or any challenging emotions and destructive mind programs. If there are, they passively harm you and do not let to fully spread out wings.

Few reminders about parents:

• Everybody makes mistakes - just like you. Accept it. What else can you do about the past? Is it really that important who was wrong and who was right? Focus on shaping memory now.

• They did the best they could, during this time with the experience and knowledge that they currently had.

• They are regular human beings - just like you. Don't compare them to others.

You are a strong and independent individual now. Maybe, it's time to reach out first?

Invite healing love to all of your relationships.

If happened that the person who came to your mind is not in the physical body anymore, you can also heal the relationship within you, by inviting them to your inner space and having a dialog. You've already got the right tools, try it.

We have talked about the perspective of child-parent, now we will discuss parent-child. An important part of the self-healing journey is to heal relationships with your adult child.

In some cases in your mind, you did everything you could to nurture your children in others you might hit the rock bottom, and you were not able to support them as much as they needed. No matter what the past was, it all happened and shaped who you currently are.

These experiences were necessary for your growth. As we are starting from 'different' points we have different stories and mind programs to work with. No matter how challenging it gets, self-realization, happiness, and becoming one with ultimate reality is the goal for all of us.

Your son is in their 40s and you stopped talking 15 years ago. Maybe even you tried to reach them out, but that left no response from their side. Your own child rejected you.

There is always a hope! If you feel you want to heal it, and its core is love (not abandonment, fear, or sadness) there is a lot that can be done.

• Get into a meditative state of mind. Plant a seed. Consider sending them a handwritten letter. Open your heart and tell them about your feelings, why you decided to reach out to them, apologize, let them know that you understand your part (if not let them know that you want to understand), and that you are interested in reconnecting. Be patient - let the plant grow. The letters are different as we don't write them often anymore, that will increase chances for them to be noticed, therefore read.

• If you won't get a response send them another letter after some time - occasionally. Make sure to keep the love and empathy in your heart. Even if you won't get a straight away happy ending. You already did a lot! You show them that you care! Keep the door open.

• Leave all the expectations. Let the life flow, and grow my dear.

PS. Very important - make sure that you got the right address. Maybe, your post office has the option to let you know when the recipient will receive the mail.

If the situation is fresh:

• Look for support. Most likely you are in a challenging emotional state of mind. It's time to reach your closest friends and family. If you feel like, look for professional help. Fresh perspective always lets us see things in a different way.

• Observe your emotions. Make sure that emotions won't take control of you. They are not good advisors and don't lead to meaningful decisions.

• Don't mirror cut-off response. Your child has cut off the threads - not you. Keep love in your heart and continue letting him know that you understand his feelings, you still love him and you want to reconnect.

• When you will get the message back. See your position and understand what decisions let you get in this situation. It might be difficult not to react emotionally, but remember what is the highest goal - to reconnect with your children. Be empathic and listen to your child. Understand the pain they have. See your own mistakes. If your good intentions were misunderstood that's no a time to defend yourself. Open your heart...

• Maybe, it will be possible to arrange a meeting. A public place is a good choice, and make sure to be 1:1, so you will have time to talk together, keep your emotions in check and create a safe environment.

• Respect the boundaries they set. That truly requires a lot of self-control.

• Do things together. To really reconnect you should actively engage in activities. Make sure to not force anything, as that will give the opposite effect. Take your time and build up slowly.

• Learn from mistakes. Most importantly don't get again into the same behavioural patterns. Why experience the same pain over and over again?