#54 - Speech Awareness

This week we are going to focus on a practice called Mindful Speech.

• How often do you put awareness to what you speak?

• How often do you consciously choose to remain silent?

• What emotions are behind spoken words?

Before we will start, let's find out what is the right speech. Based on self-observation and professional sources right speech is - no lying, no rude speech, no backbiting, no telling one person what another says about him to cause discord or harm their relationship, no gossiping, no speaking uncontrollably, no exaggerating, speaking unkindly, no spreading rumors, not a falsehood, no hurtful, no abusive, no harsh. It's about speaking just enough.

Language is action, and once said, words cannot be retracted.

There is a saying that "Words reflect our inner state of mind." What inner state of mind do you want to experience?

What is mindful speech? It means that you are aware whilst you are speaking. It's to develop the capacity to truly observe what, and how you are speaking.

Our intention, when we are mindful is to use skillful speech – if you find you are angry, express that you are angry, however, hold back the emotional charge. It is very different from dumping it to the other person. It helps to take a deep breath, and speak slowly.

Mindful speech is loving and kind, observe the best qualities within you.

Mindful speech is also to become comfortable with silence during conversation. Becoming comfortable with silence, and allowing our words to be informed by a bit of space, will create a more meaningful conversation than simply talking just to fill the silence.

Sages point out: "unnecessary speaking wastes energy that could be devoted to self-inquiry and transformative action."

Now time for the practical part.

This exercise has two parts. Self-observation and Observation of others.

Self-observation:

For the whole week, be mindful of your speech. Pay close attention to what you say, how you say. Make sure it is in alignment with your intentions and feelings.

Before speaking ask yourself:

• "What is behind my words?"

• "Why is there a need to speak?"

• "Speech creates worlds, so what kind of world do I want to create?"

• "What motivations prompt me to speak?"

• "What emotions and feelings influence what I say?"

• "What am I trying to accomplish in speaking?"

• "What am I thinking just before speaking?"

• "See if I can sense the emotional residue my words create?"

• "How do I feel after certain remarks?"

• "How do other people react?"

• "What makes me say what I say?"

• "What is my intention behind words?"

• "What unexpressed emotion or longing might lay frozen in my emotional body, ready to surface, as lies or sarcastic remarks, or words meant to mask what I really want to say?"

• "How do my words affect people?"

• "Is it true?"

• "Is it kind?"

• "Is it useful?"

• "Is it timely?"

• "Is it conducive to concord?"

Consider not speaking at all. - If it's not needed.

Examples, when it's not worth speaking to:

• People who claim to always know best.

• People who believe in something with their whole being.

• Close-minded individuals, who don't want to expand their perspectives.

And dozens of others examples... Any coming to your mind?

Observe others:

Really listen to others. Pay attention to the texture, tone, and quality of their speech. Notice nonverbal elements, their body language. It will help you to immerse into another person, and understand their emotions, feelings, and intentions. We can build stronger connections, if we truly listen, instead of just nodding while planning out a reply in our heads! Most importantly don't judge, be there and immerse into the present moment.

Additional hints for mindful speech:

• Pace: try to speak slower without pushing, and rushing words. It’s much easier to become calm (and mindful) if we do it.

• Simplicity: Choose words well. Instead of talking for the sake of talking, practice viewing words as precious and choose them with intention.

• Precision: Enunciate clearly and speak deliberately. When we feel nervous or uncertain, we may talk in circles, trail off, or speak quickly. Pause, take a breath and speak precisely. It is better to take your time and convey your message loud and clear than to rush through a conversation and leave with more confusion than when you started.

• Be true to your word: Do as you speak. If it's something you said you would do - do it. Don't say what you can't do. Keep it to yourself if you doubt you can handle.

• Do more and speak less "Speaking before doing is useless".

• Promises: it's better not to promise if you're unsure, or keep it if you promised.

You already know that each word has its own charge, that's why it's important to use the right words. Words have power!

"Change your vocabulary and you will change your life" - Jacek Walkiewicz, polish psychologist

Some examples:

Instead of "I was disappointed" - say "I experienced"

Instead of "Tomorrow" say "Now"

Instead of " I wish" - say "I need"

Instead of "I will sacrifice myself" - say "I choose"

Instead of "Maybe, I should" - say "I decide"

Instead of "It happened" - say "I made it"

Instead of "I have to" - say "I can"

Instead of "It's a problem" - say "It's a task"

Instead of "I can't" - say "I will learn"

Instead of "I don't know" - say "I am looking for"

Observe the vocabulary which you use. Evaluate if words you use have a "positive" charge, and if not, decide what words you might want to use instead of.

Small regression:

The side effect of being more aware is that you lose interest in pointless discussions, and you will enjoy silence over it. It's funny to experience it, where it expands to a friend's network, people you enjoyed consuming life force with, won't entertain you anymore. You will naturally seek ''deeper'' activities, and that's when you might feel alienated. Most of us went through it, but with time you will find "your tribe".

Observe your mind so you won't feel "better" than others, because you are "conscious" - that's one of the potential traps ;) Truly if you think this way, you are far from the truth. Never try to force somebody to wake up, - it's simply pointless. If you tried it, ask yourself: What is the core of this decision?

Overall, this week you choose to consider what and how you talk. If you struggle, and emotions take over your mouth - just shut up and breathe. Breathe deeply until you have something constructive to tell. No yelling, no emotional speech, just the concrete and actual things. Use words to describe your emotions instead of emotions and observe. For example, if you're irritated by your roommate, don't go straight to slamming the doors and giving silent treatment. Instead, open your mouth and speak up, say "I'm irritated right now" - see, you don't have to say the reason, but you can decide if you want to give more information, like "I'm irritated now, so I don't want to talk about certain things. Maybe later we could talk so I can tell you more, but now, I'm feeling irritated. Sometimes people get irritated." Well, it's just an example on describing with words, choose words carefully and talk slower so you control whatever goes out of your mouth.

Practise it, don't be afraid to loose or be treated differently. Become an observer, listen more and think before speaking. Reach more in finding about mindful speech and see how would it affect your life and transformation. There's nothing wrong with change, the way to a better you is a challenge might be, but there won't be any change without practise and effort.